Woman: No, I’m telling you, I’m right! He couldn’t eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids.
Man: Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person.
[A period of silence — the woman looks down at her food.]
Man: What’s wrong?
Woman: I’m just really getting tired of you always being wrong.

Fuck shit damn. My ipod is being fussy again. Life over. I cant take this anymore. Just work. If I was an ipod I would work.
Haha my finals schedule is easier than yours.

Girl to friends: Do either of you have a really nice picture of Jesus? I need to make an ashtray.

Been working out at “el gimnasio” a lot. The soreness is there but its a good pain. Pleasing if you will. I never have lifted weights regularly before. I think the last time was for soccer junior year. Its a good workout. All i have ever done is running, so i like this. I could be in muy good shape in a couple of months. Yummy.
Shoulda gone to Sasquatch or at least done SOMETHING over memorial day…but it was good to chill. Not good to hold regrets, but whatev.

Little girl, loudly: ROAR!
Little girl’s dad: Leslie, stop it, you’re scaring the people.
Little girl, quietly: Roar…
Little girl’s dad: Very nice Les, scare them subtly.

En este mundo hay varios tipos de gente…

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

I used to life as an Amish. But while growing up, I bought myself a battery operated flashlight. I held on to this secret for 3 years before I had the courage to leave the community.

I frequently wish horrible diseases on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Mariah Carey. I’d like to put them in a human-sized blender and make a smoothie out of them to feed to George Dubya Bush.

I loves me peoples. They’re great. YOUR RETARDED. YOU’RE RETARDED.

Dad: What are you going to name your new horse, honey?
Little girl with My Little Pony: Skankbag!

Five-ish day weekend and not a whole lot happened but it was a nice break from school. Came home friday and spent the rest of the weekend putzing around redmond and seattle. Didnt actually go out to any bars cuz all my friends are lame. Not lame just…lame in the moment. Shoulda stayed in bham. Drove the new car and talked with woody a lot. Saw Da Vinci code downtown. Take backs, i did go to a bar. Had some drinks before the movie and went in in pretty drunk only to find the only seats were dead center front row. Neck ache. Boo. OK movie, it wasnt amazing but it didnt suck. So much hype tho. Hung out with random friends and then headed back to bham today. Had a house meeting at 809 with all the peeps that are moving in for summer and fall and figures out the logistics. Got me really excited for summer. Let the madness begin, k? Now I have a big full lab report due in H20 quality tomorrow. Easy week ahead of me. Not too worried about nuthin. A relief. Could be x100 worse.

Six-year-old boy: The talent show is tomorrow.
Mother: Oh, are you doing anything?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, 50 Cent.
Mother: Honey, that’s a little inappropriate.
Six-year-old boy: What does inappropriate mean?

Grandma to crying 5-year-old: Get a job if you want it that badly! Get a damn job! If you were in Russia, you’d be working. If you were in China, you’d be out working in the rice paddies. Goddamn. I’m gonna put you in a sweatshop. This is Grandma’s weekend to find a man. Gonna go up to the Bronx. Gonna hit the BX and find a BK.

You’re a slow motion accident. Bitch. MEtals can also occur in anions such as chromate. See Appendix V. Just Hear Me Out. Pa rum pa pum pum. % of total Cu that is “free ion” at alkalinity of…

F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Fu

Blah lbah bhahl x (x^345678910)

Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

Get Some Ice Cream and Give Him a Call
Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

Tall Asian teen: That was really funny.
Shorter white teen: Yeah, I’m sorry I keep calling you a fucking Asian.

Drunk guy: Hey there! Have we met before? I’m sure we have.
Sober girl: No, we haven’t.
Drunk guy: Yeah we have! Where do I know you from?
Sober girl: No where. We’ve never met.
Drunk guy: YES, we have! I know we have!
Sober girl: Yeah, now that you mention it. We have met.
Drunk guy: See! I told you. Where did we meet again?
Sober girl: Your dreams, drunkie.

It’s Important to Have a Routine

Hobo, suddenly lunging at random female customer: My meat! My meat! My meat! You took my meat! I saw you! You put it in that cart! My meat!

Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.

Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.

Super thin model/actress on cell: Urrgghhh!!! Jonathan left me again [pause] I can’t believe it. [pause] For being too anorexic! Yeah, I thought being anorexic would be hot but apparently I’m now too anorexic.

Thanks to that random girl that gave me a hazelnut outside the lab. Im not hungry anymore. People need to be more friendly and random. It makes life smoother.

So i picked up the new Jeopardy magazine on campus and turn to page 45 and hahaha im in it. Just a picture but it is still cool to see my name and stuff. Thanks wirrow.
I was in a lab the other day. A big one. And for some reason my computer was randomly linked up to the speakers. I was on myspace and all the songs would play loud and everyone looked really annoyed but i thought it was hilarious and did it for a while. I love fucking with people. Sorry if anyone had anything important they were doing, i didnt.
Closing the doors,
and I am running
Past video stores,
and you are driving
A barrier stands,
between your hands and me,
Climbing the floors,
and I’m not running
Through revolving doors,
and you’re not driving
The barrier stands,
between your hands and me,
Sorry
I have a sorta five day weekend ahead of me. Pretty pumped. Tonight I am going out on my first wednesday to a place with cheap drinks. Watch out bham. Las Mujeres, Somos Las De La Intuicion. Social Anxiety is fun.
Cant wait for some more stripper pole. Pole smoking is fun and safe.
Your overbearance makes me…
1.2.3.4…hoooooooooooo hoooo hooo hooo. Gawd i love new radicals.
If i saw something good, i guess i wouldnt worry
If i saw something good, i guess i wouldnt care
Smoking weed for the first time in a teepee and then running down the entire length of the western hemispheres longest pier, screaming and believing that dragons were chasing us. Random memory but one of my happiest. Oh Boy Scouts.
To do this week: Grow a beard and meet with Nancy Van Duesen to declare my minor.
And fix the jetta problem….it has some anal leakage.
Work on resume and apply to places that want me.
Go to Modern I on thursday and observe.
Write Ensayo #4
Eat breakfast at least once a day
Done.

Thought that I was young.
As numb as I’ve become. I’m so tired…I wish i was the moon tonight

Crazy lady: Where would we be without Mexicans? You are a very hard-working people.
Mexican, working the register, nods.
Crazy lady: All the time I see your people working.
Mexican nods.
Crazy lady: Like no other.
Mexican nods.
Crazy lady leaves.
Mexican, to no one in particular: Soy de El Salvador.

I’m now 21. Three nights of some drinking and monday morning was killer and raining but im happy about everything that happened so no worries. The quarter is coming to a close very fast but i am not to stressed about it…got everything.
Had a friend take me to the gym today and show me how to lift weights. I prolly wont be able to lift my pencil tomorrow but im excited. I want to get some moooscles on this little body i got here.
Went swimming after and got in the big plastic bubble and bounced around in the deep end for a while. I miss being 6.
After all this stuff that has gone on recently to me I feel odd and different but better overall and it is all a process and it is good to step back and realize that everything overall is fine, just not to get to caught up in the bad times. Hanyways…got a big weekend coming up and hopefully I make the most out of it. Get out of class 9am on friday and dont have class till wednesday. So I should do some fun things! Fogrov, capital hill, fam time, friend time, camping?, whatev im down.
K later

Drunk guy to entire restaurant: Everyone I want to make a toast, raise your fucking glasses.
Alright — My girlfriend had an abortion, we are not having a baby!

Girl #1: I can’t believe you’re about to get your culo waxed.
Girl #2: I can’t believe you didn’t get your culo waxed!
Girl #1: You know I have an asshole phobia, for Christ’s sake!

Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.

oh yeah and p.s. you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk.
that pretty much sums me up by right now

Woman on cell: My boobs aren’t ready for this cold weather. They’re still too new.

Twentysomething girl: What is the nastiest thing you can think of?
Twentysomething guy: A bloody vagina fart.

RIGHT……..
i got into rumors on friday night. I showed my i.d. and they fo sho read my bday and knew i wasnt 21. Luckies.
Had an early muthers day with the fam in anacortes. It was a good time. We looked at nordic tugs for about an hour. Those are some sickass modes of transportation.
Next time…mmmmmmyesm.

Girl #1: What’s the weirdest thing you had to do for work?
Girl #2: Well, Moussa told me he once had to dress up as a strawberry.

Hipster: C’mon, there’s another train, quit holding the doors. God.
Man squeezing past doors: Oh, shut the fuck up. I’m late for work. What are you late for? The vintage stores aren’t even open yet.

jeg drar dyrehagen og titt på giraffes moro omkring vanskelig

es la neta guey…la neta!! en serio!

Sorry about the rant earlier. But nothing to start off the day with another obnoxious quote from the Pope.
Um I went to a cool dance show tonight. It was fun.

Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso Jackson believes that a person’s political affiliation is more important than their merit when it comes to goverment contracts. Recently, he told a newspaper, “Why should I reward someone who doesn’t like the president, so they can use funds to try to campaign against the president? Logic says they don’t get the contract. That’s the way I believe.”

WEEKEND COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hipster: C’mon, there’s another train, quit holding the doors. God.
Man squeezing past doors: Oh, shut the fuck up. I’m late for work. What are you late for? The vintage stores aren’t even open yet.

Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.

Woman sitting on bench with small dog on lap: You know that no matter what you do, I will always love you, right?

Thug on cell: Yeah! So now I gotta put powder on my balls….

Woman to terrier: Come on, Jazzy! Come on, Jazzercise!

Cocaine is a lot quicker.

I’m 16.
..so… now what?

food is disgusting.

I’m 26 and I’m still in college.

capitalism is suffocating and killing america slowly and quietly. one day cuba will look up to find us dead.

“whenever death should welcome us, let it be welcome”
-che guevara

I hope my foster kids’ parents OD on meth.

sometimes, when there is no toilet paper left… i wipe with a towel. and then i fold it back up and put it with the others.

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sometimes, when there is no toilet paper left… i wipe with a towel. and then i fold it back up and put it with the others.

There goes that fdsjklaf; pope again. Ok its cool to be catholic and all, but….Im sorry how could you follow and participate in such a….errr
im stopping

“Today, it has become urgent to avoid confusion between (marriage) and other types of unions which are based on a love that is weak.”
-The Devil

GOD DOESNT EXIST AND RELIGION LICKS MY CUNT…BAM