“Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn’t place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.”

Drunk blonde: How old are you?
Kid: 17.
Drunk blonde: Ever been with a 26-year-old?
Kid’s father intervenes.

Man: Have you ever heard a man call his penis a gonzo?
Girl: No, but my boyfriend used to call his the Cookie Monster.
Man: Well, by the way you smell you should start calling your cooch Oscar the Grouch

Middle-aged woman: Tradition brings us all together and makes us feel close.
Twentysomething woman: That’s not the tradition; it’s the Jack Daniels.

Um. Im 21 soon. Scurry.
Big test in Phonetics tomorrow. Thats the only class I am currently struggling with. Oh yeah…dance class is pretty tuff too.
Im sad I cant take portugues no mo. Brazil is so hott. Dammit.
Cant decide if I want to go to Sasquatch or not. My second weekend after being 21…and saving money and…hmmm.