Dad: What are you going to name your new horse, honey?
Little girl with My Little Pony: Skankbag!

Five-ish day weekend and not a whole lot happened but it was a nice break from school. Came home friday and spent the rest of the weekend putzing around redmond and seattle. Didnt actually go out to any bars cuz all my friends are lame. Not lame just…lame in the moment. Shoulda stayed in bham. Drove the new car and talked with woody a lot. Saw Da Vinci code downtown. Take backs, i did go to a bar. Had some drinks before the movie and went in in pretty drunk only to find the only seats were dead center front row. Neck ache. Boo. OK movie, it wasnt amazing but it didnt suck. So much hype tho. Hung out with random friends and then headed back to bham today. Had a house meeting at 809 with all the peeps that are moving in for summer and fall and figures out the logistics. Got me really excited for summer. Let the madness begin, k? Now I have a big full lab report due in H20 quality tomorrow. Easy week ahead of me. Not too worried about nuthin. A relief. Could be x100 worse.

Six-year-old boy: The talent show is tomorrow.
Mother: Oh, are you doing anything?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, 50 Cent.
Mother: Honey, that’s a little inappropriate.
Six-year-old boy: What does inappropriate mean?

Grandma to crying 5-year-old: Get a job if you want it that badly! Get a damn job! If you were in Russia, you’d be working. If you were in China, you’d be out working in the rice paddies. Goddamn. I’m gonna put you in a sweatshop. This is Grandma’s weekend to find a man. Gonna go up to the Bronx. Gonna hit the BX and find a BK.

You’re a slow motion accident. Bitch. MEtals can also occur in anions such as chromate. See Appendix V. Just Hear Me Out. Pa rum pa pum pum. % of total Cu that is “free ion” at alkalinity of…

F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Fu

Blah lbah bhahl x (x^345678910)

Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

Get Some Ice Cream and Give Him a Call
Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

Tall Asian teen: That was really funny.
Shorter white teen: Yeah, I’m sorry I keep calling you a fucking Asian.

Drunk guy: Hey there! Have we met before? I’m sure we have.
Sober girl: No, we haven’t.
Drunk guy: Yeah we have! Where do I know you from?
Sober girl: No where. We’ve never met.
Drunk guy: YES, we have! I know we have!
Sober girl: Yeah, now that you mention it. We have met.
Drunk guy: See! I told you. Where did we meet again?
Sober girl: Your dreams, drunkie.

It’s Important to Have a Routine

Hobo, suddenly lunging at random female customer: My meat! My meat! My meat! You took my meat! I saw you! You put it in that cart! My meat!

Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.

Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.

Super thin model/actress on cell: Urrgghhh!!! Jonathan left me again [pause] I can’t believe it. [pause] For being too anorexic! Yeah, I thought being anorexic would be hot but apparently I’m now too anorexic.

Thanks to that random girl that gave me a hazelnut outside the lab. Im not hungry anymore. People need to be more friendly and random. It makes life smoother.